The God Molecule and Me

5-MeO-DMT aka Bufo Toad Medicine is also known as the God or Spirit molecule.

This is an attempt to describe an indescribable experience, one that happened on a different level than language does so it will not be precise,

This was done in ceremony with a very serious and experienced shaman. It was not “recreational”.  My goal was (as always) to see God. (Please realize that my definition of God does not include any personified entity who rules the universe. My definition of God is the stuff the universe is made of and includes all of us. That’s what I thought last week. What I know now is that this is true but what I saw of it before was just a hint, just an arrow to a hint to a clue. Oh my god. I had no idea.

I am not going to go into all the ritual details, though set and setting which is always important was perfect. I was instructed how to inhale and hold in the smoke to the count of 10 while reclining from a sitting position.

Before I hit 10 and as I hit the pillow the bottom dropped out of the world. There was no “under me” or above me”. I did not see the people with me. I saw , first a crystalline shaped structure which I realized later was not the shape I was seeing but the shape I was seeing through and moved into it at which point, I was there. There was no more shape or external environment. There was no house around me and there was no me. There was a stageringly huge expanse of universe (?). There was beauty and color and organic motion. There was no me and it. We were all. The magnitude of it was completely overwhelming. It was inside of me and outside of me. There was a tonal sound as loud as sound can be in the silence. There was the sensation of fast, speeding motion during total stillness and going no place because there was no other place. All of time from the beginning to the end (neither of which probably exist) was happening now. Space had no meaning. IT, the all in all, was made of love. This is GOD and I am it as we alll are it as we all are each other. Total oneness.

I fully understood the notion of “wakening from the illusion of separateness” but not in thoughts, or word connected thoughts. There were none of those. There was wordless, thoughtless, loving consciousness. Everyone who had ever lived or would ever live was here. All of us “alive” now were here. Here was all there was. Here is all there is. The perfection of light and color and oneness. The complete absence of ego. The knowledge that to hurt you is to literally hurt me and that there is not anything to be hurt about anyway.

The earth plane happenings that we get so invested in are like grime on the window to God. For us as humans these cannot be disregarded completely. I don’t mean to dishonor anyone’s suffering. We do suffer as human beings but that is such a tiny part of who we are. All of our lost children, on either side of the veil, are fine and perfect. Nothing else is possible.

As thoughts began to come to me again I realized that I had to decide if I wanted to keep breathing or not. I had to remember to breathe while I decided. I knew with absolute certainty that I would be in the same place whether or not I continued to breathe and that it mattered not at all which decision I chose. “I think I want to keep breathing.” I said. “I’m not sure why and I know it doesn’t matter but I think I have more to do here”. The Shaman said to me “I can breathe for you if you need me to”. (Later I was told that this conversation did not happen in ear-hearable words. Nevertheless, it is what I said and heard”. The next point I felt a light breath on my face and a voice saying “breathe”. I did.

As I began to come back to earth all I could say was: “Oh. My. God. I had no idea.”  It was all I could say for quite a while.  Then I switched to “Holy Shit! What holy holy shit!”  All other thoughts were just laughable, like “What do you want to do for the rest of the day?” which I said and sent myself into hysterics. I recalled some lines from the Messiah’s Handbook in Illusions which said,

“Take your dying with some seriousness, however. Laughing on the way to your execution is not generally understood by less advanced life forms, and they’ll call you crazy.”

It was kind of difficult, in a pleasurable and ease filled way, to reintegrate. I went through the rest of the day as usual I think except that I knew it was just a sort of overlay on reality. I completely loved and appreciated the people around me. Everything was a little brighter than usual and I still feel like I must look like a light bulb and can’t imagine why people aren’t being blinded by it. Apparently I still look like me and why not? I was always the whole universe whether I knew it or not.

This may be edited or changed the next time you see it. I am still trying to squeeze it into the form of words which are so inadequate for it. I am still trying to assimilate it and I am still pissed if you cut me off in traffic, but only for a moment and knowing even then that it matters not at all.

Another quote was very relevant to my experience. It is the synopsis of the whole Course in Miracles:

“Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists.” Herein lies the peace of God.”

I know this to be completely true today.

The main thing that I want people to know and that I want to remember is that we are all integrated parts of a perfect being and our parts have this human veneer.  The veneer can get pretty tricky and feel really serious and on the level it lives, it is but it lives, as I said, as a smudge on the window to God.

I always thought that Namaste’ meant that the Divine in me recognizes the Divine in you. Now I realize it means that I recognize what I am in you and what you are in me. We are the Divine we recognize.

For what it’s worth, and with all my love,

Bunni