You worthless spamming motherfucker,

You obviously have no idea how close to the edge I am. I just deleted 500 pieces of shit mail and no doubt at least a couple of important messages that I will have to deal with angry clients about.

Let me make it clear to you once and for all:

Whoever you bought your mailing list from lied. I am not interested in another at-home business!

I do not give a rat's ass what kind of luck you will have if you do not forward your ridiculous chain letter, prayer, hug, kiss, best wishes or poignant story. You can be absolutely certain it will end right here with me. Even if I wanted to forward it I would not because I am dedicated to making your luck turn to cow turds, got it?

I will not forward mail to help find the latest missing child, cure cancer, get a free trip to Disney or to collect money from AOL or Microsoft. These letters are all scams and if you had two brain cells you would have figured that out by yourself.

Ditto on the virus warnings. I am in the market for a real ass-kicking hard-drive destroying virus that I can send out in response to every one of those stupid virus warnings I get from people who are too fucking lazy to go to McAfee and see if the virus is real or not before forwarding it to everyone they ever met.

I am looking forward to increased global warming, acid rain, and political unrest in countries I have never heard of and I am praying that the Cassini Satellite collides dead on with the earth so that fools like you will no longer be here to bother me. Do not send me mail attempting to enlist my aid to stop them.

I have no interest in turning my washer into a cash cow, making $17,000 by next Thursday with no work, running a business that even a kid could do, taking advantage of this offer of a lifetime before its too late or being one of the few who is being invited in on this ground floor opportunity.

Do not send me jokes (or anything) if you are too fucking lazy to remove the list of 800 people it has already been forwarded to. In fact, don't forward anything to me. If I'm not worth the three mouse clicks that are required to send a new email, don't talk to me.

Do not send me anything that begins with "I usually don't send this kind of mail but..."

And finally, I DID NOT subscribe to any porn mailing list and I do not want to see another blow job as long as I live. I am not a guy and I therefore realize that pictures of blow jobs are just downright ugly!

Whoa unto you spammers! One of these days someone is going to figure out a really nasty way to go virtually postal on your sorry ass and I'll gladly pay the price of a new hard drive to watch.